Oh, The Irony

Over the last 4 weeks, I’ve noticed that lots of things about living here are filled with irony.  Life over here is frustrating, inconvenient, and inefficient, largely because so many aspects of Aramco and Saudi culture just do not make sense or are wildly illogical.  Everyone I’ve met from the west notices these things.  The prevailing attitude amongst the westerners here is to just go with it; try not to understand it or change it, because if you do, you will go crazy.  I’ve begun to compile a list of the most blatant (but sometimes small) ironies I’ve noticed.  I’ll probably be updating this list the longer I live here.  Check back often!

NOTE:  In the dubious tradition of Alanis Morissette in her song Ironic, some of the items on the list are not truly irony in the English Teacher sense.  (Is rain on your wedding day really ironic, or just plain old bad luck?)  Some of these are just absurdities that I notice.  English Professors and former English majors who are reading this, please forgive me!

P.S.  This list is meant to be funny, not negative!  It’s hard to convey playful sarcasm over the internet, but that’s how this is meant.  

Ironies of the Aramco Rules:    I already noticed that you have to call to get your phone service started.  You also have to make a request online to get your internet started.  There is no other way to do these things.  (That is, you can’t go to the phone office and ask for your phone service to be started.  You MUST call them on the phone.)  Argh!  There are lots of these.  Too many to list. 

Ironies of Saudi Culture:  Saudi culture is very intolerant of any other religions.  For example, you’re not allowed to wear a cross around your neck, and they took the Armed Forces Radio down because they played Christmas music with words.  Saudi culture also has a lot of rules:  you can’t show people’s faces in pictures because it’s considered idolatry, you can’t hold hands in public, store owners must close five times a day for prayer, etc.  So both Mike and I were dumbfounded when we saw the following picture displayed on a large, prominent wall in Ikea:

Do they just not know??  Surely if they knew that this is two men, with faces, practically holding hands, in a very famous image painted on the ceiling of an important chapel in the very *HUB* of Christianity, they would object.  Are they that ignorant of the west?  Mike thinks they are just that sheltered from the outside world – they just have no idea what this image means or symbolizes.  Or perhaps they just do not care.  We blinked, stared, shrugged our shoulders and kept shopping, but it’s been a theme of discussion for a couple of days now.  Bamboozled.  

Furthermore, we left Ikea and went to the mall, where we saw a large clothing store with one single mannequin in the window – wearing a Notre Dame t-shirt.  What???  Again, do they just not realize?  Hello, big famous CATHOLIC school?!  Not to mention, jeez, Notre Dame is *everywhere*.  Sigh.  Go figure.  

 

Ironies of Language:  Language barriers are always fun.  And very few people here speak intelligible English.  Stuff gets garbled in translation.  Our baby shampoo (which has the amusing brand name "Chubs") has the message “KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN” scrawled all over the back.  The midwife at the hospital told me my baby was dead while I was feeling her kicking.  (That made my blood run cold.  I didn’t like that one bit.)  (Of course, that’s not what she meant.  She just didn’t speak English well.)  The cell phone store where we tried by buy a cell phone just told us “No.”  Here’s how the conversation went:

“How much is that phone in the case?”  He takes it out and shows it to us.  

“No. This is not a phone.”

“It’s not a phone?  It is a phone.  What do you mean it’s not a phone?  How about that one?  How much is that phone?”  “No.”

“I want to buy the phone.” “No.”

“Here is my money.  Please tell me how much it is.”  “No.”

“How about that phone?  How much is that one?”  “No.”

“I want to buy a phone here.  This is a phone store, right?”  “No.”

Eventually another guy came over and managed to spit out “Out of stock.”  But apparently, ALL the phones were out of stock.  Either nobody spoke enough English to help us, or they didn’t want to sell to us for some reason (perhaps because my face was not covered? We were Americans?  We are still not sure.)  But I do think it’s ironic that they won’t sell phones at the phone store.  And not very smart – how do these people make any money?  

KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN!!!!

Ironies of Money:  Speaking of money, I find it ironic that we pay a grand total of $7 to fill up our borrowed car with 91 octane gas at a full service gas station (YAY!) but pay $18 for a package of Pepperidge Farm Goldfish (WOW, I must really love my kids.)  I guess grain is plentiful at home and oil is plentiful here, huh?  Gotta love Econ. 

More valuable than oil!

Ironies of Getting Set Up Over Here:  Mike was very lucky to get this job.  Apparently, Aramco hires Americans only into the advanced “expert” positions, and hires Saudis for all the entry level and lower level jobs (and the extreme upper level jobs, too).  So it means that they think he’s big stuff since we are over here.   

But the moment we stepped off the plane, we were stripped of any adult privileges we had earned by age or hard work or experience in the States.  No driver’s license, no car.  Renting a house instead of owning one.   Surrendering our passports to the Aramco passport office.  Acknowledging that we cannot leave the country.  Rendering our credit and debit cards practically useless, and using only cash for everything.   Only having about eight pieces of furniture and hardly any kitchen equipment.   Not allowing us to buy cell phones, or cars for that matter.  It’s as though they can’t decide if we are very mature and responsible, or if we are delinquent teenagers.  Feels like we’ve been demoted to “immediately after college” again, but this time we have two kids to support!  And we worked really hard and earned a position here to get to this point? 

Almost all of this will end, or has already ended as we get set up.  For example, once our our new visas come in, in several months, for example, we’ll be able to leave the country.   I have not dealt with cash since my freshman year of college, but now that Mike’s iqama came through, we can get a bank account here (although people still use cash for everything!  It’s very archaic, and it feels like Monopoly money because we go through it so fast.)  Same for car and cell phones.  But Aramco has been importing ex-pats for YEARS.  Seems like they could do a lot to make the transition faster and easier.   I could make a lot of suggestions!  But the irony of coming over will continue – because, like everything else, nothing here makes sense!  I will just have go with it, like everyone else.  Relax and enjoy the ride - it's not going to change!