Alien Ironing Board

When we arrived in our empty house after getting off the plane, all we had was what we brought with us in our 6 checked bags and entirely too many carry-on bags.  Because you’re arriving to a house to live there, Aramco does a pretty good job of getting you set up so you can at least get through the first 24 hours.  We each had a bed which was already made, and there was a set of 4 dishes, glasses, and glasses on the counter.  The refrigerator had milk, eggs, cheese, and fruit, and there was peanut butter and bread on the counter.  The only other things they left us were a phone, an iron, and an ironing board.   

Apparently, all my life I have been living a lie.  I thought I knew all there was to know about ironing.  But I have been proven wrong.  When I look at our Aramco ironing board, I feel like a 16^th century American Indian trying to figure out an iPhone.  It’s got all kinds of crazy gadgets and gizmos that I have no idea how to use or what they are!  Like take the antenna on the side, for instance.  Is it a radio?  A hidden camera?  We’ve been using it as a really long jaw harp, twang twang twang, while giggling hysterically because we can’t figure out the purpose.  (This doesn’t help me feel any more savvy or civilized about the situation, though.)  On the other side, it has a cord and a plug.  The plug does not match the iron (my theory was that the iron plugs into the board and the board plugs into the wall…alas!  Not so.)  And the cord does not connect to the antenna at all, so they are not related.  Then there’s the big metal framework that sticks out in front (rudder?)(baby seat?)(computer desk?)  I am at a loss. 

To make it all the funnier, the iron they gave us is this tiny fold-up travel iron.  So we iron our clothes on this mega-fancy pimped out ironing board with a tiny, primitive, Cabbage Patch Kids iron.  Good thing it’s funny and entertaining (yes, entertaining – we still don’t have a TV), because it takes forever!  

And if the aliens land tomorrow, it’s because our ironing board called them here.  Guaranteed.